Hope for the better.

Every night before I go to bed, I tell myself when I wake up, I'll be a better person. I'll be strong, motivated, and ready to take on the world. Then when I wake, I don't want to get out of bed. I feel like just laying there all day. Today was a good day, which motivated me to start up this blog. Maybe no one wo read it, but at least it will help me, and I hope it can help others too.
To say I have had a stressful life is a bit of an understatement, gov'ner. At the age of 21, I was on my own at the age of 15, living from city to city. I've rented at least 5 different places, not by choice. I've been taken advantage of way too many times, been assaulted, been robbed, been raped. I've been held up at gunpoint in my own house. Let's just say the man upstairs hasn't quite blessed me and I continue to question his existence at all. It's now time for me to stop making excuses and start analyzing who I am and how my past can shape my future for the better.
Today is day one of my challenge. I will not pity myself anymore. I've noticed now more than ever that I can't rely on anyone but myself and am ready to begin the greatest friendship of all, one with my own self. They say you can't love anyone until you love yourself and I finally understand what that means now. It's a good day, a day to love yourself, a day to push your limits, and a day to be who I want to be, instead of being who I think I've become. Oatmeal, tuna, and egg whites for breakfast, chicken salad for lunch, probably for dinner too. Maybe this diet isn't as tasty as Pizza Hut and Wing Shack, but as long as I remind myself that it's just temporary, I think I can get by!

On the road again...and again...and again.

When I look at all these influential figures in the media today, I can't help but ask myself, "Why can't I look like that?". When I read an interview about Jessica Biel, or Jennifer Garner and find out that their favourite food is tacos, or cheeseburgers, I wonder how they can look so fit, yet love the same foods I love. I am 21 years old and about 30 pounds overweight. I am definitely no Jessica Biel. Chicken wings are my life and is the hardest junk food for me to kick. I love crispy Cajun wings and at one point, ate them every day. If I could eat just one thing for the rest of my life, it would be crispy, deep fried chicken wings. If I were to get my wish, I may fulfill my cravings, but at the same time I would be overfilling my jeans. I recently came to realize that food is not be friend, and if I want to look like a star, I have to work like a star.
With eating bad and not working out, I have increasingly become more depressed and easily agitated. I have pushed away most of my friends and all of my boyfriends because I am not satisfied with who I am. I was once the center of attention, the one people would call every day in hopes of having a plan to go out. I am alone now and even more depressed about it. I have decided that from now on, I will not beat myself up. I won't feel sorry for myself and blame my past for my present. I will not listen to my stomach telling me, "Come on woman, all I want is a pint and a pound today. Just help me out over here". What I need most now is to feel healthy, and secondly look healthy.
For all of you who are currently going through the same struggle, I hope you find peace and motivation in my blog, as I will be tracking my actions, thoughts, and life daily in this blog. I hope to hear from other people who are also struggling with the loss of a best friend. For me, I've decided to cut off my number one friend, the only one who ever has understood me, deep fried chicken wings. While I take you on a journey of my past, present, and future, I hope I can motivate others to laugh, cry, then get up off the couch and join me on my mission-- operation fling the wing! Please stay tuned :-)